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 Bad People - Bad Friends

Looks at how society defines bad people. We can choose our friends using a relationship tool – Are they nice you?, Are they an asset to you?, Do you like the life they give you?.

Kinkajou Kinkajou : People are generally helpful and sympathetic.
Erasmus Erasmus : But There are times things aren’t like that – for many reasons.

Common issues include:
Exaggeration (especially Enneagram eights).
Sociopaths/psychopaths (especially self – pres personalities).
Crazy (Paill).

Desperate – people in trouble or having severe needs, especially drugs (an expensive habit – with severe symptoms if you cannot get your fix).
Violent/irritable (Paill).
Obsessional thoughts /obsessive behaviour
(Paill firstly, next consider Enneagram ones).
Judgement and Cognitively affected people – people who cannot be reasoned with or who have unusual decisions, (drugs/alcohol/Paill/impulsive especially in fast personalities such as any Enneagram fours).

Dislike/hate you: (Personality is a common point of conflict. There is no right or wrong. There is generally nothing you can do to make people like you).
Liars (People lie in general to manipulate you. This manipulation can be to try to present a good image to others or to prevent other people from having a bad image of them).

Bad People Bad People

Kinkajou Kinkajou : Let’s give some examples!
Erasmus Erasmus : I knew one person who always told us stories from his life. He told me how successful he was selling real estate. But sometime later I met someone who had rung up the place where he had said he was employed and tried to check the story. The entire story was false. He had never worked there. He had never sold all those millions of dollars of real estate. I realised he was trying to edge his way into my life and trying to get me hopefully trusting him with a lot of money.

Erasmus Erasmus : On another occasion, he tried to pull me into his scheme to import drugs into Australia from the US. He thought he could outwit customs by drilling holes in the keel/centreboard of the boat, filling these with drugs and then sealing them in place. He invited me to go with him, on a cruise from the Gulf of Mexico to Australia in this boat which he would buy cheaply from retirees in Florida having experienced their first Gulf Storm and decided never to cruise again. I could imagine the consequences travelling with him on the boat. Pushed overboard in the middle of the Pacific – good luck. The keel cracking and the boat sinking like a stone without warning – again in the middle of Pacific, especially when the seas were rougher – such as in a storm.

Alternatively, when I gave him the money he would simply run off with it.

And if we ever did make it back to Australia with the drugs, you can just imagine the problems you would have selling the drugs and trying to extract a profit from the entire process without being caught.

The guy was a con man, a liar and an exaggerator. Nothing he said was likely based on any real experiences he had been familiar with in his life. Nothing he said was likely true.

Drug Smuggling
Drug Smuggling- Caught!

Kinkajou Kinkajou : I knew another man who was always telling us about his bikie friends. When he died however, only his disabled neighbour turned up to help clean out his unit. In talking to his disabled neighbour, it became obvious that the story about the “bikie friends” was untrue. The man had gone through a bad incident- being beaten up by bikies long in the past. He had covered this up by inventing bikie friends and telling everyone about them so that everyone would leave him alone.  

Goo the Numbat Goo : Two stories. In one case a man who is a pathological manipulative liar, attempting to exploit you. It could easily cost you your life to get drawn into this web of lies. In the other case, a man who had had a bad experience, simply trying to make sure that something like that would never happen to him again. I think only one of these people is really a bad person. Especially if he pushed you off the boat in the middle of the Pacific.

Kinkajou Kinkajou : What does society regard as bad people?
Erasmus Erasmus :

Sex offenders.
Child sex offenders.
Practitioners of Bestiality.

Drug addicts, (sellers and dealers). While there is a public image of drug addicts as bad people, there are many people who have been addicted to drugs who can honestly tell you that they have never done anything illegal (apart from getting and taking the drugs), in their life. They simply kept on working and used their income for drugs. They did not steal. They did not take advantage of people. They did not sell drugs. They did not hurt other people.
This sort of behaviour, not taking advantage of hurt or hurting other people, is more common than you would think.

Another variant presentation in the drug addict family are the girls who decided that they would sell themselves to obtain money for drugs, but again they would not lie, cheat, steal, sell or take advantage of or hurt other people.


Kinkajou Kinkajou : Other Bad people?
Violent. (I have a story about a film crew chasing a man who had just exited a bank with a gun and a bag. The film crew realised that he had robbed the bank. They chased him down the road – at a distance – calling for help. They kept on saying – “The little fellas got the gun. The little fellas got the gun. What is really strange about this story is that the “little fella” while talking to me thought that the film crew were friends of his and that they would do him a favour", if he asked. I thought to myself that the film crew would be absolutely horrified to see this man in their lives – ever. To have a violent aggressive and dangerous individual who thinks nothing of using a gun on other people – enter their life – they would think would be one of the worst things that could possibly happen to them).

Thieves. In a world of plenty, stealing is regarded kindlier than it has been in an era of scarcity, such as several hundred years ago. When you have nothing, stealing is actually life-threatening. Hence society punished stealing offenders very severely, hundreds of years ago. Many people were sent to Australia (compulsory immigration) by the legal system of Great Britain – for stealing a loaf of bread to help them survive.
Lots of people steal things and never get caught. So, to simply punish the people who are caught – may well be an unfair way to judge people. And in an era of plenty, stealing just isn’t the crime it used to be.

Goo the Numbat Goo : Many people are capable of doing the wrong thing.

Victim Victim


Erasmus Erasmus : Warning signs of Bad People:
Changing stories.
Too good to be true.
An obvious chance of danger or violence, the person making threats.
An unreasonable streak of obsessional behaviour that is ringing alarm bells telling you that this person is hard to deal with.
Fuzzy memory (a Paill symptom).

Kinkajou Kinkajou : So how do you judge people?
Erasmus Erasmus : My standard for processing relationships with people is the same as for assessing relationships with potential partners/significant others. You ask three questions:
Are they nice to you? 
Are they an asset to you?
Do you like the life (relationship) they give you?


Are they nice to you?  >     
? Polite,? Reasonable,? Able to be reasoned with,? Able to learn from past experience

Are they an asset to you? (Remember simple loyalty is a really big asset).
(Are they capable of accepting that things are not all someone else’s fault? You can easily extrapolate that the people who have chips on their shoulders about what other people have done to them and how everything is somebody else’s fault, will eventually turn on you and blame you for whatever is happening to them in their lives).

(Remember also that people in desperate circumstances will seek to take advantage of you, because they need to do so to survive. You could well form a relationship with such a person, but always with the understanding that you will be careful not to allow them to take advantage of you and your relationship with them).

(An acquaintance had a friend with a drug problem and she was talking with me about continuing a relationship with such a person. I said it was okay to have a relationship in person but that you needed to have extra care in how you relate.

For example, if that person was in the car with you, and for some reason the police stop your car, if there were drugs present on the person, they would quite likely to simply shove them under the seat. If these drugs were found, they would tell the police that they did not know how the drugs came to be in the car. You as the driver would be responsible for the presence of drugs in the vehicle. It is up to the arresting officer whether they charge you as the driver, them as the passenger or both of you if drugs are found in the vehicle.

 In short, if you are to continue a relationship with a person with this type of problem, you cannot have them in your car. You cannot have them in your house. You cannot give them an opportunity to go through your bathroom medical supplies. You cannot be in public with them in any situation where you may be blamed for something they are doing, (for example having drugs on their person).
If you are going out with them you should always meet somewhere and in public and not travel with them. In short, you need to be careful.

Police Car Check
Police Car Check

Desperation to avoid legal entanglements may well lead them to undertake a course of action with considerable detriment to you. You can maintain a friendship. But you need to make sure that their friendship does not compromise your safety or legal status.

Kinkajou Kinkajou : Another criterion to consider in the category of “your friend being asset to you”, is to consider what they may do to help you. For example, if you’re moving house, would they come to help you pack and move. Remember, you cannot expect much from un-hired help. If they are willing to do anything – even a little to help you – that is certainly better than doing nothing at all.

Kinkajou Kinkajou : And about the last question: Do you like the life (relationship) they give you?

Erasmus Erasmus : Three simple questions, useful in selecting a partner and in selecting people to be friends with. All too often we fumble on through life without asking these three simple questions. Usually on date one or day one, it will be obvious where the relationship will take you. It is your choice what you do, but remember it is a choice you need to make. If you fail to consider the complications or problems that may eventuate in relationship, you may have to learn the hard way what life is all about. You are free to make your choices – but not free to accept the consequences of your choices.

Kinkajou Kinkajou : And if you fail to consider these questions, you have made a choice by default.
Some choices can be made by not making choices.

Goo the Numbat Goo : What an unusual concept. To choose by not choosing.